Humor Quote by Groucho Marx — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“Room service? Send up a larger room.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Trovo la televisione molto educativa. Ogni volta che qualcuno la accende, vado in biblioteca e leggo un buon libro.”

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”

“Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.”

“A good friend will bail you out of jail.”

“Wow. I didn’t think it was possible for him to look any more intoxicating than he already did. But a leather clad Ren standing next to the gorgeous racing motorcycle holding his helmet made my brain go numb. I had kind of a this-is-your-brain-on-drugs moment, only mine was more like a this-is-your-brain-on-seeing-Ren-in-tight-leather moment. If they’d been smart, the Ducati Company should have used him in a commercial and given him the bike for free.”

“What's this about?”