Humor Quote by Jon Stewart — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”

“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”

“If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.”

“Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”

“Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.”

“Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.”

“Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.”

“To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.”

“Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.”

“TANDAAN: mahirap mafriendzone, pero madali lang gumanti!”

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”