Best Satire Quotes to Inspire, Uplift & Motivate You Every Day

“Just for a while": Death's opening chat-up line in His great seduction, before he drugged you with soporific comforts, distracted you with minor luxuries and ensnared you with long-term payment plans.”

“Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.”

“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.”

“I'm not scared of death, I just don't want to seek it out.”

“Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.”

“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.”

“Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.”

“Of course we had hoped that he would take up his sword as part of the President's war on poetry. The time is ripe for that. The root causes of poetry have been studied and studied. And now that we know that pockets of poetry still exist in our great country, especially in the large urban centers, we ought to be able to wash it out totally in one generation, if we put our backs into it.”

“Even ivory towers need central heating.”

“Shall I compare thee to a barrel of apples?”

“Every day is a battle. Still. She doesn’t need this…this mess. The nightmares. She doesn’t deserve what I’d put her through. And she probably wouldn’t stick around anyway. Who would?”

“She made a face at him, and he could picture her, as a child princess—sticking her tongue out at a playmate in her princess castle.”

“Satire's nature is to be one-sided, contemptuous of ambiguity, and so unfairly selective as to find in the purity of ridicule an inarguable moral truth.”

“School exams may or may not teach pupils about the beauty and complexity and rules of the world, but they definitely do teach them how to get marks in school exams.”

“Justru karena cinta, kamu memelihara dirimu dan dirinya agar tetap mulia. Bila ia mendekat, tetaplah duduk. Karena itu yang menjaga emosi agar tak meletup. Bila ia menjauh, jangan dekati dia sebelum waktunya. Sabar itu jauh lebih istimewa. Atau kalau tak tahan lagi, segeralah datang ke rumah orang tuanya! Itu lebih mulia.”

“Darwinism teaches that whatever serves no purpose gradually perishes. The tail disappeared long ago; it seems that in some individuals, the brain has now taken an extended leave.”

“Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.”

“Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.”

“Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.”

“People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.”

“The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.”

“Some people talk about other people’s failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes.”

“Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health.”

“Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?”

“There were people who believed their opportunities to live a fulfilled life were hampered by the number of Asians in England, by the existance of a royal family, by the volume of traffic that passed by their house, by the malice of trade unions, by the power of callous employers, by the refusal of the health service to take their condition seriously, by communism, by capitalism, by atheism, by anything, in fact, but their own futile, weak-minded failure to get a fucking grip.”

“Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.”

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

“Dearest creature in creation,”

“Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?”

“Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualifications. Our Guildensterns play Hamlet for us, and our Hamlets have to jest like Prince Hal. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.”