Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”

“Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”

“A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.”

“Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.”

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”

“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.”

“I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”

“She led the way. Eyeless sockets of the dead seemed to stare at them as they passed.”

“Hodor!”

“1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.”

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?”

“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”