Humor Quote by Darynda Jones — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”

“You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.”

“His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.”

“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?”

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”

“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.”

“Do not do that again," he said stiffly.”

“Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.”

“Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)”

“What was that?" Belgarath asked, coming back around the corner.”

“A tiger only needs three things to be comfortable. Lots of food, sleep, and…actually, no it’s just those two things.”

“I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.”