Humor Quote by Ellen DeGeneres — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.”

“Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.”

“Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.”

“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”

“You can hear my dreams? God, you must never get any quiet. I'd be shooting myself in the head if I were you.”

“Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”

“Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.”

“Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.”

“Sane is boring.”