Humor Quote by Ellen DeGeneres — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”

“Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

“Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.”

“Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.”

“Procrastinate now, don't put it off.”

“Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.”

“Real men wear floral when trespassing”

“Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her.”

“The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods.”

“In the world according to Garp, we are all terminal cases”

“Nobody comes here anymore, its too crowded”

“When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse.”