Humor Quote by Dark Jar Tin Zoo — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.”

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.”

“Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.”

“I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarvik’s artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life, only to later kill it because a creature that’s all fake heart and no brain is what’s commonly called a “politician,” and must be destroyed.”

“If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.”

“If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.”

“Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.”

“The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.”

“We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you”

“We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.”

“Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not?”

“Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!”