Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”

“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?”

“when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose.”

“Jesper: “If Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”

“Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”

“Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.”

“Right, you've got a crooked sort of cross..." He consulted Unfogging the Future. "That means you're going to have 'trials and suffering' — sorry about that — but there's a thing that could be the sun... hang on... that means 'great happiness'... so you're going to suffer but be very happy...”