Humor Quote by steven wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”

“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”

“It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.”

“Can't you just like a girl who likes you back?'”

“There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.”

“At a certain age almost all the questions a person asks him or herself are really just about one thing: how should you live your life?”

“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”