Humor Quote by Woody Allen — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.”

“I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.”

“My brain? That's my second favorite organ.”

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.”

“God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.”

“How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?”

“Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an admission of the obvious. In fact, 'atheism' is a term that should not even exist. No one needs to identify himself as a 'non-astrologer' or a 'non-alchemist.' We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens have traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and cattle. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs.”

“Well, even if the serpent bites off your head,” says Tatterfell, “the rest of you will still look good.”

“I don't think you should be an Auror, Harry," said Luna unexpectedly. Everybody looked at her. "The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They're working to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a mixture of dark magic and gum disease.”

“I don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.”

“Humor is just another defense against the”