Humor Quote by Woody Allen — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.”

“I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.”

“You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.”

“Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,”

“I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.”

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”

“Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry.”

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.”

“He looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak.”

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”

“It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening.”