Humor Quote by Bill Watterson — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?”

“At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.”

“As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.”

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?”

“Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?”

“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

“Don't count your owls before they are delivered.”

“No dumb bastard ever won a war by going out and dying for his country. He won it by making some other dumb bastard die for his country.”

“Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.”

“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.”

“Well,' I said. 'I could strip off my clothes and reveal to you that under my jeans and sweatshirt I'm actually wearing a tank top and short-shorts, much like Lara Croft from”

“If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”