Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“An Assassin, a real Assassin, had to look like one - black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?”

“Holy mother of rectangles.”

“I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.”

“Luck is a woman. She's drawn to those that least deserve her.”

“You can run from the grave, but you can't hide.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?”