Humor Quote by Steven Wright — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”

“Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them”

“Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.”

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.”

“Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was.”

“Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!”

“If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.”