Humor Quote by Mark Twain — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”

“This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth--ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!”

“I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”

“Happiness is a sunset - it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.”

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

“Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex.”

“Life is tough, then you die.”

“Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach,” I agreed. He looked blank, so I repeated it with proper emphasis. “ ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH.”

“If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.”

“Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.”