Humor Quote by Ambrose Bierce — Inspiring Words on Life, Love & Wisdom

“The covers of this book are too far apart.”

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

“No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?”

“Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.”

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”

“I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.”

“With the world securely in order, Dain was able to devote the leisurely bath time to editing his mental dictionary. He removed his wife from the general category labeled "Females" and gave her a section of her own. He made a note that she didn't find him revolting, and proposed several explanations: (a) bad eyesight and faulty hearing, (b)a defect in a portion of her otherwise sound intellect, (c) an inherited Trent eccentricity, or (d) an act of God. Since the Almighty had not done him a single act of kindness in at least twenty-five years, Dain thought it was about bloody time, but he thanked his Heavenly Father all the same, and promised to be as good as he was capable of being.”